Dear Rachel

I was reminded the other day that you're not here, and you won't ever again be, at least in this life and on this earth. There is no other way to say it, but that moment sucked (I know you probably like me being blunt). Randy and I were in our bedroom with Samantha; she was dancing with her daddy to tunes on the ipod, she is too cute! She ventured to an area where I have some random stuff laying around...maybe it's a sign that I need to put some stuff away, but anyway, she started bringing me what she found. She started with pictures. They were of you, with friends, with family, by yourself (in all your glory!), but of you, with us, you know, that way it should still be. I smiled and reminisced, actually being able to remember every moment in those pictures, man we had some good times (and I swear if Samantha does some of the things we did, I will go insane!). She kept going back and forth, bringing pictures, one by one, giving me time to look at each one, and to think of old times, and to place myself in that exact moment. It's like she knew that I needed a few moments between each new picture she brought me, to do just that, reminisce and think back on all the good times we had. That we should still be having. With you. After about picture #10, I lost it. I know, you were probably really mad at me for doing that, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's as if you're so close, but so far away. I know in the end that there were times when we didn't see each other as often as we used to (sucks being a grown up!), so when I was looking at the first pictures, I got that exact feeling. Oh Rach is in Nac, I'll see her soon. But then I "woke up" and came back to reality. You're not here. You're not just up the road. You're not just a drive away. You're not coming back. And it absolutely sucks. I miss you Rach. Please continue to watch over all of us. You're our guardian angel and we will forever be amazing chicks....together. Love you. -Sue

"If you leave, don't leave now..."